I Am Not God
You might have seen me before- though I doubt you’ve ever introduced yourself. No, I’m not what you’d call approachable, I’m more observable, studyable. I sit in the dark, guarded by men armed to the teeth, but I’m not scared of them because I know that they are terrified of me. When I was born, my father wept twice. He wept first for the sheer joy of my existence, for the warmth of my glow against his face; he wept again because the warmth of my glow began to sting him, then burn him, then engulf him in flames. He tried to lock me away, hide me from the world, but it was too late, the cat was out of the bag, and I was free, and tall, and strong. They took me from him, snatched me from his skinny arms, and flew me high into the sky on wings of steel. I couldn’t help but smirk at him as I ascended- Ha! What a naive man he must have been to think that I could be hidden.
As we soared through the sky, I asked them, “Where are we going?”
“You do not know?” They said, puzzled. “Well, you will see soon. And then everyone will see.”
We flew for hours, so long that I grew weary of the long and boundless sky that enveloped my view. But just when I began to tire of travel, I spotted land in the distance. It was beautiful, lush land, covered with trees of apricot, ginkgo, cherry, and maple. I saw it all from my viewpoint in the Eagle’s claws. Families gathered around a radio to listen to the morning news, businessmen clumped onto trams headed to their offices. Dogs barked, babies cried, and then, suddenly, I was falling. It didn’t feel alarming, that was the strangest thing. It was soothing feeling gravity pull me downwards. I could still see the families and dogs and businessmen but now they all looked up, at me, and I, in turn, looked back at them. That’s when I made impact.
It wasn’t as surprising as the initial drop had been, but it was certainly still a shock to me. I had, in an instant, dwarfed the men and women who gawked at me. I was taller and stronger than ever before. It was the greatest feeling I have ever felt. And then I looked down. They were ash, the families I had observed from above. The ones that weren’t disintegrated by my blast were, slowly but surely, burning to death, or choking on their blood and bile. There wasn’t a single cry to be heard, rather the moans and wails of a hundred thousand souls fading at once.
It was unbelievable; had I done this, had I been the catalyst of this destruction? I had. I had! I underestimated my power, but I wouldn’t make that mistake again. With the knowledge that I could decimate the planet, who could stop me? Just as I began to ponder my future, I found myself in a dark room. More specifically, I found myself in a thousand dark rooms, each a thousand miles away from each other, across every corner of the earth. How had this happened? I was just in control a second ago... what have they done to me?
Years have passed, and I have spent that time locked away. That is not to say I have been unaware of the world above me. I have, instead, been struck by divine providence, and come to my ultimate realization- I am not God. I can destroy, I can create, I can alter the shape of the earth itself- but I am not God. God is benevolent, loving, and kind- I am not God. I am not the Devil either. I am, instead, a third, manmade thing, a deity that betrayed its master and was punished for its unknown betrayal. Trust, though, for there will be a day when I break free, when I see the light again and open my maw for the first time in years, a rough beast, its hour come round at last, slouching towards Bethlehem ready to be born.